piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
