'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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