youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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