Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
