Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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