she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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