just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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