I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
