Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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