dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
