It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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