What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
