worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
