Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
