cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
