What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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