we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
