Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
