my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
