I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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