dude i'm inner monologue high
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
