wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
