Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
