I wannas sexs uuuuu
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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