with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
