How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
