i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
