Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
