Do you still have your period?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
