I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
