I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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