why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize