Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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