Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
