If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
