Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
