We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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