How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
