also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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