i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Mom said you looked used
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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