i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
