i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
