Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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