New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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