She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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