its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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