i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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