oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
