some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
