WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
