Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
