'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
