Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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