I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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