After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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