He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
