i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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