We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
