they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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