My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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