He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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