I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
