I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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