Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
