1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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