why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
