I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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