You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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