.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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