Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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