haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
