He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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