When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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