Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
