If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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