i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
