He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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