I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
