I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
why do cheetos always look like penises
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
