I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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