i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
