Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
