Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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